Homeless man at hanston underground

Give me a lugaw.
Give me a lugaw when you meet me on the street.
Give me a nod as you pass me, one of the meek.
A child in perpetual timeout.
A blind man wanting to see the sense.
A deaf fuck finding sound in certain disdain.
He was my brother.
A kind soul torn between dreams and persistent illusion.
You we're my brother.
One I would call a trusted company of sinister motives.
Found out you were wrong.
Wrong to be right all the time.
Founded on misplaced disbelief.
Frowned upon your that's what you have to do.
What about the feel?
What about the heartache you once felt yourself?
What about the certain cement bed he was so lucky to have found.
I find it unkind, yes I do.
To have pressed your thumb on a being struggling for understanding.
That was uncalled for.
You, a lucky soul, lucky enough to claim credit.
How could you - Count the blessings that fell upon your lap like drops of rain so innocent it couldn't care less.
Hope you're a happy man -That would make one of us

Ideations

I'm trying to get back into the flow of writing. This is a warm up post and I do not expect much (and neither should you). Work is going okay, the honeymoon period seems to have ended and the easy out of bed passes are all used up.

Was the flow a lie? Was it all just being fresh from a healthier, steadier lifestyle? How do I merge the life I want with being a productive member of society (read: having money)?

Just when I thought I had it all figured out, here I am scratching my balding head once again. I guess I figured out I don't have it figured out.

Damn modern life :P

I can't help myself

Getting pushed into doing things i'd rather not do. Peer pressure. Slipping back into old habits. It's so hard.

The entire world is designed to make you fail, and it's earier to let it than fight back. Even the most stubborn people get tired and let their guard down.

That looks delicious! Maybe I can have just one. Maybe I don't have to go out for a run today. Maybe I'll sleep till noon this once.

I'm pushing on, but It's not easy.

Once again unto the breach

Battle weary. Missing home. Can we really go at it again?

Started out fresh enough, ammo full, boots spit-shined and a strange excitement flowing through your veins.

But now the war has dragged out. Ammo running dry, friends maimed and expired, boots full of holes, why would you go back out there?

Do you believe in what you're fighting for or are you just a foot soldier who thought he'd get a kick out of enlisting with his buddies?

Choose another battle, go home and hug your mom and dad. There's no use dying for generals who wouldn't do the same for you, hanging out in their mansions, playing golf and sipping wine the colour of the blood you spilt out in the open.

Or maybe... you do have a purpose. Not to be cool and a hero to everyone. Maybe if you're defeated your entire family and everything you know gets blown into bits. Maybe you're not the aggressor claiming land for the bigwigs, but a person defending his home and serving his neighbours.

We all need to fight sometimes. Even if we don't feel like it, even if you'd rather spend the day watching youtube in your briefs.

You have to earn your victories, you have to deserve your lifestyle. Chilling out on the shoulders might be fine for a while. But some faithful day, they're gonna drop you.

You have to be ready to fend for yourself and loved ones. You have to be on your toes, learning skills as weapons and buffing up your brain and body.

Then maybe when you hang your helmet up, you can take a deep breath and have a respect for the people dying out there.

I know you're tired, but sometimes you have to march forward to see the sunrise.

Communication breakdown

She's thinks he thinks this but he actually thinks this. He says this but he really means this. They all think this but they didn't say it out loud. It's communication breakdown.

It's the plot behind almost every sitcom. It's a funny thing, getting tied up in knots too complex to undo.

Human communication is rich. From words to gestures... from smells to textures, the message can be simple but it's the mode of delivery that introduces the signal noise.

Couple that with a thousand different emotions and you get a gooey lump of issues trying so desperately to digest the other lump. Life's so absurd. It's like an obstacle course without the trophy in the end.

We do our best to get the Chinese whispers right only to piss each other off.

Laziness

We all feel it sometimes. It's one of life's greatest struggles.

It engulfs us all at any given point in time, combined with tiredness and your moments are wasted.

It's hard to soldier on when you'd rather stay in bed, time's going faster than you want it to. Your mind is moving slower than it should.

You can't be in a peak state all the time. It's what you do when you feel lazy that defines you.

Go through the motions anyway, stick to your routines, hobble along knowing that someday, you'll get past the slog.

The slave mentality

We have been trained to be slaves our entire life. Ever since we were young, we chug down coffee to compensate being overworked and underslept. Little kids forced to carry bags half their weight, what better skill for a future cog!

It's sad to see every generation have its own version of indentured servitude. The classic definition of slave is one who works without pay or compensation. Though money can give the illusion of compensation, this not always the case.

It seems only fair, our ancestors toiled in fields and hunted in the wilderness to attain an inkling of the comfort and sustenance we enjoy today. But there is a trap that many a bright soul has tragically fallen into.

They lack a passion for their work. They work solely for the paper IOUs of happiness.

That's not to say we should all take up oil painting and performance drama. Passion can be found in almost any profession. But if it's all about the money, we might as well be whores who hate sex.

There is honour in every job; be it collecting garbage, panhandling or even sitting atop a fortune 500 company.

It's not about chasing your dream job necessarily but bringing the passion to your work.

Enjoying the thrill of helping others, loving that you play a role, savouring the high of creating something - even just a fraction of a fraction of something.

Most of us have to work, a lucky few can play all day riding on the passionate work of their forefathers. That's cool and okay... we shouldn't despise these people.

We should stop buying into the myth of consumption as the pinnacle of success.
The Africans rounded up way back when had no choice, most of us have a little more.

Don't choose to be a slave.

"Everything can be taken from a man but one thing, the last of the human freedoms — to choose one's attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one's own way."
-Viktor Frankl, Man's Search for Meaning

What other people think

We all like to consider ourselves someone who isn't swayed by popular thought. But it's hardwired into our brains. That's how we survived since the beginning. Banding together and forming solid groups that kept getting larger and larger.

We might do things fighting against this instinct, but it's an instinct nonetheless.
Do something without caring what other people think often means we want people to care that WE don't care.

Sometimes though, it stops us from doing the right thing, or makes us freeze in our tracks even if we think we should step in, speak out or stand out.

We should wrestle, bargain and compromise with this urge. Our brain controls us just as equally as we control our brains. The brain isn't one united, singular unit but many inner voices lobbying for their separate agendas.

The president we are of this cabinet of advisers and not taking heed is as detrimental as going with the flow with our noisy internal senate.

We're always thinking about what other people think. But do we stop and think what we think?

Apprehension

Anxiety. Tension. A quiver of the lip in the expectation of something bad.
We take all precaution yet things turn into crap anyway.

So why suffer before you are due for suffering? why pre-suffer?

Preparation and practise are always good things to have but fidgeting seconds before your moment is detrimental in the very least.

No harm came ever came from staying calm yet alert but being nervous and twitchy usually makes you miss your mark.

Yet why do people still worry? Some would argue it's inevitable, a human trait designed to keep our cavemen ancestors safe from everything that could kill them... which was everything.

Although not much is spoken about training to be calm, training our nerves, keeping a good vibe and not wrecking other's. Like the famous UFC fighter Conor Mcgregor said recently in his ridiculously PPV live show spectacle interview, Strength, speed and stamina are commonly stated attributes of a fighter. But why not calmness? Calmness before the fight and calmness when getting punched in the face. Or something like that.

I know you're stressed, I know you're worried. Why do have to harsh my vibe?
Practise the art of being chill. Practise the art of dissipating your worries internally instead of taking it out others (or yourself).

Nothing's easy, but I don't think many people consider this an important life skill to have.  

The hangover

It's how you pay for it. That's the credit card bill after binging on shoes and uber rides.

Your mind wanders, it wears off and all your left with is a headache and a body that wants to detach itself from your head.

Is it worth it? Sometimes. But more often than not, you get egged on and your plans to have one or two go down the drain.

Then you're in for a crazy night and a rocky next day.

It's a guilt bomb exploding in the minefields of your mind that sets off a chain reaction. It's unavoidable, it's inevitable, it's a hangover. Take an asprin and deal with it.

Sleep

Ahhh... the nectar of life.

It's a peaceful, safe state that allows us to recharge. And most of us don't nearly have enough of it.
Sometimes it's easier to stay wired than to commit to a daily recharging.

You feel unproductive during rest, you feel guilty because you think you aren't getting anything done, you run away from a very important daily update in your firmware. Once you start working on outdated software, you lose your ability to interface with the rest of the world.

It's hard to focus on sleep. The blinking screens, little lamps of shiny blue and white ready to reward the craving parts of your brain.

"Oh look at the time!" You rush to get some and the more your pressured as the alarm approaches, you lose even more sleep.

Contrary to public ideals, it's tough work to sleep. Sleeping is not lazy. Watching YouTube is lazy. Scrolling Facebook and the unlimited number food and boob photos on Instagram is lazy. Sleep was never unproductive, scrolling always was.

I'm all too familiar with major sleep deprivation. It's not pretty. In fact, you'll lose your mind.

So sleep dear friend. It's a gift to yourself and all those around you. Wake up to the universe and tap a place of unlimited energy and creativity.

Trying to stay an artiste

We all start out as artists. Not necessarily the classic definition of artists who dabbles in painting, music etc.. But we all started trying to make things beautiful, trying to express ourselves and gift others with our skills and talents.

But somewhere down the line. We got fixated on being correct and right. Following the rules of art as gospel as if in by following those rules, we would automatically be artists.

Art is never perfect, even more so artists. We lose sight of trying to make a change, stand out and be singular in our individuality; and we fall in line, live day by day impatiently sprinting towards a nonexistent finish line.  

Who are we trying to impress? What are we going for? Maybe to be indispensable, maybe we want the absence of our art and self to be felt. Maybe we're trying to evoke emotions. Or maybe we're just trying not to be zombies.

Learning to say no

No. No. No.
It's tough to say. Peer pressure, not wanting to make people feel bad, fear of making the wrong decision.

When everyone say yes, you say no. It's takes a lot of guts to do that. But if that's the only reason you say no then you might be making a major blunder.

When do you say no? I don't know. Maybe what really want to say is yes but you're paralyzed with indecisiveness.

Weighing the pros and cons. Nothing comes free. There is no easy choice when it comes to major decisions.
Like, coffee or tea? Beer or wine? Time or money?

Maybe you're feeling you'll explode into shrapnel of depression and regret over making the wrong choice. But you probably won't (I hope).

So, choose without regret. You'll be okay no matter what you choose. Because we're all just bags of flesh stuck on a floating rock.

Learn to say know.

Trying to stay Zen

"Staying consistently sharpened can wear out the blade" -Lao Tzu

Pressure building up, something has to happen, something has to happen! Something is already happening, you can only steer it your way. That depends on the waves and in the wind too.

Good sailors wonder if they could've done more. Master sailors wonder if they could've done less.

It's going to be okay, just trust it.

When confronted with a major decision, know that it will always be okay. Or, it will always not be okay, that's up to you.

How do we know if we're scared or just plain lazy?

Again another day

different paths for different parts
you're looking for  a few minutes
found broken token lost
please conflict the datum with day after day after day after
Brokerage of sorrow we sow spent canisters
bark at the folly of ever so fleeting opportunity
break which is broken with benchmark speed
all you need is again and again and again and again
no spots on a box for drastic drivel
blind again and again
another and another
day after day after day

Imperial Manila

I've dreamt this dystopia before
I've lived imperial Manila
Many a sane brain have fled unto
Much more escape within sharp object

Teeming with monstrosity and shitheads galore
I should know as part of their club
Thieves had better code

Distempered and glowing
Flowing over under the rush
Sick stomach is good to go

Brave

Fear, where does the fear go?
Doing things, saying things without fear of the consequences.
That's brave, right?
Being afraid then doing it anyway.

Everyone's brave when they've never been whipped.

Searing pain and the scar that follows, still brave?
Still carelessly willing to rise up and talk back?

PAK!!!!

You sure?

Not knowing is not bravery.
Not caring is not bravery.
Not having a reason is not bravery.

It's stupidity.
And that hurts.

Adventure

Where does it take us? Beyond the short and long lies the steadfast. A band of peculiar brethren destined to discover.

Not riches nor success external, but the mere realisation that you cannot touch horizon.

We walk towards not set destination, the last step before we fall dead in our tracks is the unavoidable finish line. Your journey may be the topic of epics extending past your final breath, although in words will never be encapsulated the cobblestones you once tread.

Playing Without a Click

It's insane. It's scary. It's Wrong. In flies in the face of everything I've learned about drums. But maybe we should give it a try.

No hit record was a hit solely because it had metronomic time. It was about the emotion and vibe which ultimately translated to the listener, like a virus infecting you unexpectedly, before you know it, you have a cough.

It takes guts to try it. Everyone will be against it. Of course perfect timefeel is something to strive for in any musician. But can't it be a little slower in the relaxed parts then speed up a tad when you decide to push it up to a 10?

How about how the band gels together? That's way more important than being "perfect". The excitement of the piece, the power that slaps you in the face and the dynamics that asks you consolingly if you're okay.

We should strive for this emotional vibrance and vitality. We should go for it or forever regret it. The recording should be a picture of what you were feeling at the time, and that feeling shouldn't be the memory of struggling to get along with a ticking robot.

Of course it's best to practise with a click, having great feel along with great time are halmarks of the best drummers. Of course there should be some consistency. But there should be no regrets over a single misplaced bpm.

Tempo. The driving force. The pace at which you march or sprint. That characterizes the feel you want to evoke. But if you can't play to a click on recording day, it's best not to. That would be wasting precious time practising when you should be busy making music. If you're at the level of playing comfortably with a click, then it can give you great security like a safety net. But sometimes people fall off the rope when making art.

It's taking those risks that make it beautiful. And if you fall off the rope, if you don't die you'll learn.

Let's change our goals. Let's stop shooting for perfect and let's stand out instead.

Emotion

What is it all about? The thing that makes us mammals other than nipples. A driving force in our lives or a shackle that tethers us to certain reactions.

Emotions can be the reason for success or failure. What about artists? Aren't they supposed to be emotional? I guess so. So a clear distinction must be made between mood and emotion. One can be emotionally sensitive yet distanced in a way is doesn't affect the march forward.

Dreams

Dreams. Fabled bits of random access memory that float to the top sometimes in sleep, sometimes in waking life. What does it mean to chase your dream?

Floating in space are our bodies, floating in our minds are dreams. The common notion is that we'd be happy if we make them come true.

What are our dreams? They elude precise definition and compartment. Dare to dream, who doesn't?
Is reality expressed more in a conscious state or sub-conscious?

Many questions and discussions pertain to this concept. The probable opposite of this is NOW. The past is a dream, the future is a dream... well maybe the present is too.

Maybe it's all 1's and 0's, tied together by nothing we can conceive of. The universe is made up of Fantasy and fact.